Yes, I can be your first
When Mr. Clean is filthy
In psychology, there are two terms: mirroring and projection. Both can be subconscious, but are often conscious.
Example:
* A salesperson who repeats your own word usage back to you.
* An interviewer or therapist who tilts their head the same way you do while listening.
For the record: 90–95% of my existing clients are true gems. They are kind, thoughtful, continually considerate, and self-aware. The following are the ones who made inquiries and never became clients, or the 1% who are now blacklisted or received a heavy warning after the "SW Trigger" mentioned below.
🙄 Eye-Role Moments
All of us in this industry have heard certain phrases. Let's decipher them, shall we?
Punter language
(what they say, what we hear, and what it probably means)
Punter: "I need to be discreet."
SW hears: "I am broke with an uninteresting life."
Facts: He can't afford our rates, is possibly dangerous, or is a prankster. Scammers will trick an SW into driving somewhere she shouldn't, or worse, try to get the service for free once she arrives. "Discreet" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.
Punter: "I can't send a deposit because I've been scammed before.
SW hears: "I'm delusional, irrational, a scammer myself, or just a poor decision-maker."
Facts: He may have tried to book an AI "hottie" who sent free pics, or a low-rate scammer who told him exactly what he wanted to hear — booked entirely by text with someone overseas. He didn't verify her authenticity. Had he done his research, the whole ordeal — and the trauma — could've been avoided.
🧘🏻♀️Buddhism and Feng Shui
I'm a Buddhist who practices feng shui, and cleanliness is part of my belief system. I clean my door handles. I clean the hotel's door handles. I clean myself head-to-toe. Basically, if germs had a nemesis, it'd be me.
While preparing for clients — at home or in a hotel — there are always fresh towels, mouthwash, and a bathroom I've personally sanitized. My hygiene is 100% before meeting anyone, every time. It's how I both feel and show self-respect.
🚨SW Trigger‼️
Punter: "Can I be your first client of the day?"
SW hears: "You are a low-class, high-volume, dirty SW who doesn't wash properly. I want to be first so I know you'll be freshly showered — because clearly, you wouldn't be otherwise."
Fact: A cruel, insensitive, misogynistic man says this to a high-end provider.
Allow me to explain why this is the cruelest trigger of all.
Every high-end provider I know showers before a client arrives. It's standard practice. We list cleanliness as a priority on our websites — I list it on my booking confirmation, too. In other words: he's asking a question my own marketing already answered.
Why he might say it anyway:
* He normally sees low-cost providers whose spaces weren't properly cleaned between clients, and he's projecting that experience onto someone new.
* He feels shame about hiring an SW and is projecting that discomfort outward instead of sitting with it.
* He has contempt for women. DIY stopped being satisfying, and he wants temporary connection — but needs her to know she's beneath him in the process. His opinion of SWs was already low before he walked in the door.
Three Encounters
Two of these men I no longer speak with. One remains a client.
1. The Midwestern Widower Highly educated, well-spoken, well-traveled — and emotionally raw from grief. Over time, he began arriving disheveled: poorly dressed, ungroomed, a shadow of the man I'd first met. Between his demanding career, raising kids solo, and loneliness, intimate thoughtfulness had clearly fallen by the wayside. He said the Trigger, then arrived genuinely unclean. I made him shower and use mouthwash before we continued. It was our final appointment.
2. The Elderly Californian Boomers have a real talent for saying inappropriate things with zero self-awareness. He'd arrive straight off the golf course, ready for romance with tuna-and-onion breath. I've seen two of his homes. One had a sofa clearly claimed by the outdoor dog, and sheets that hadn't met a washing machine — or the housekeeper — in recent memory. Mid-interlude, he liked to voice his own concerns about my cleanliness. (He also had a medical device attached to his body that I had to pretend wasn't there. I'll leave the specifics to your imagination.) He said variations of the Trigger multiple times and had already been warned. Last week, he reached out excited for a reunion and requested a duo. I sent a suggestion. His reply included the Trigger — and racism. He's blocked now.
3. The Stressed-Out Farmer Mid-divorce, naive, a big man in a small town, not especially worldly — I'm the first high-end provider he's ever booked. His usual SW meets him at a motel on the edge of town. Recently, he said the Trigger. I texted back: "Pull the combine over, we need to talk." He heard the polite-but-stern tone loud and clear, apologized profusely, and was clearly unaware of the offense. He got his warning. I made sure he understood there won't be a second one.
SW Triggers exist because this business is sensitive by nature. Sometimes it's naivety. Sometimes it's cruelty. I try to assume the best in people — those who cross the line unknowingly get a warning. Those who do it again get blocked.
Self-respect isn't optional in this industry — it's the entry fee.
